The Count

12 hours

A deal to be done for destruction will doth beckon an edge on the day

11hrs

An hour less to enjoy the sun in all the fading light may offer in salvations way

10hrs

The clock that eats my time hath ticked and tocked into every second I see it die away

9hrs

The panic yet to come calls a storm on the horizon saturated with grey and hailing clouds

8hrs

Hope launches one more desperate plan in facing odds a gambler would give no eyes

7hrs

Six foot of rope emerges from a darkening day’s ditch of six foot deep

6hrs

In that rope a noose has began to tie tight the binds by which optimism chokes

5hrs.

How horridly the time flies into the lessoning hours of where the deal turns downward bleak

3hrs..

How the silence of the mind falls screamingly into the fatal closing act of an impending end

0hrs…

All consciousness falls numb to the final moments

..-1hrs

As all in the eternities game plays on an act of impossible

…-3hrs

Beyond the act of finality a fated thing is to survive

….-4hrs

To feel fatality and know that the end eludes this mortal hurt

To Brake

Pressure over time creates an eternally momentum building black hole of applied condensation of everything that constructs the very warped fibres of a facture ridden collapse of everything we know, have faith in and trust…. when once the release of these primal destructing forces is occurred, hell but beckons as a positive alternative to the reality that crumbles around the distorted windows, those through which every fatally fateful event since further fractures that fragile faith you had in your own ability.

How do you take weakly faltering step in front of potential stumbling step and know that once it was so much more solid before when you strode powerfully through doubts quagmire, little perception of the potentially crumbling reality around distorted windows that now only show the inherently under trodden footsteps of fated failure and despair.

Broken implies a repair to be implemented

Repair implies it is possible to remedy the problem

When considering the lowering tones of a mournful mood that every depressive, doubting and seemingly self-damned soul measures the mournfully lacking success of anything they have accomplished… broken, to brake, holds meaning so much more irreparable.

How does one then fabricate that seemingly easy thing to cognitively conjure when whole; an answer, solution, fix or resolution?

Till that mythical answer has proven worth, so broken will the afflicted remain.

 

A post Christmas hangover… PS; Sorry if it’s a repeat!!

It’s shadow hung over the entire room, the sickly sparkly glaring disco ball off a puke fest “Geeze buddy, you get a acid tripping fairy to puke these decorations up” Edgar’s voice offending every red pointy hat patron; currently shuffling covertly away from the blackening cloud of despair lingering above his head “I feel like I might be in a bad TV special” the drink in Edgar’s hand taking the edge off all the sickening merriment.

The barkeep was new; young and unsullied like a fresh apple off the tree, dropped into the flaming pits and about to lose the shiny sheen “You guys are so morbid, lighten up its..” Edgar’s look shut his smugly positive tone down fast, dust trail fast “ok, I sense those words won’t go down well” as the barkeep retreated to a brighter corner of the bar”, it was then that the bar owner emerged in all her five eight, sexy arsed sequin dress coated imposing figure.

The women’s sauntering put to mortal shame an actress seductively prowling a casting party, every sly movement scripted more than a political speech and damn more finer “Why the party bitch, friggin happy hour and I’ve got to wear dark glasses get past that grotesque thing” Edgar’s glass wielding hand so slightly hinting towards the overshadowing Christmas tree “at least be a half decent hostess and refill my drink, feels like I got a desert in my hand” glass wielding hand again highlighted, an edge of elusive cheer under the layers of unhappiness staining his voice’s latest barrage of offence.

She planted herself as a tree behind the bar, bottle tight in her branch like grip as eyes turned to fiery pits; each fire ball brewing aimed at the bar steward called Edgar P Smith “You” opening her mouth stiffly for the single word, as loaded as a barrel full of hatred filled dictionaries “you are a dirty mark on this world so terrible stained the colours of all that’s wrong, no amount of bullets or bleach could remove you” with the full scornful array of pitch only a women’s voice could achieve, as she shrewdly manipulated her perfect form towards Edgar, in such an articulated manner a stage director would be stunned with awe.

Edgar lost none of the momentive explosiveness of their exchange as he stayed rocky still with that same depressive grin slapped all over his rough shaven features, sniper sharp eyes locked onto the bar owners own fiery hellion orbs “Well, if I am to blemish this world you could at least make sure it’s not in a sober fashion you useless…” a pause upon the ledge of what could be the fuse lighting word “no, I’ll hold back as a priest at a porn convention” that hint of elusive cheer twisting darkly into playfully tempting cruelty.

The young barkeep was like the other immediate revellers; frozen in curiosity as each of them craned necks a little over the invisible hazard line of where safe distance became willing suicide, two protagonists locked dangerously into a destructive dance of poisonous jibes and ignitable volatile hatefulness. The bar owner as close as she could be without the bar disintegrating; its job more safety barrier than extended drinks coaster, Edgar leaning the least closest he could without shattering the illusively calm qualities of what made him appear statue still.

Gunfights in westerns paled to how this showdown ratcheted the tension beyond unbearable…

“If I wasn’t a lady I’d have my knife so far into your throat… I’d aim for the heart but that’s something you sold out a long time ago” she quietly exaggerated her volume

“A lady would have poured me a drink… and considering your attire; I’d be a little turned on as to where you were hiding that knife” Edgar playfully poking the unstable bomb of a woman before him

She slapped him with such resounding sound the onlookers were affected by the shockwaves, Edgar unmoved in the slightest and grinning so much more twistedly and darker than before

“I’ve shot men for less” his free hand placing a charged energy pistol on the bar “want to see how heartless I can get” a dare as menacingly spoken as the sniper shot of rage from his fixated glare

She casually manipulated the gun, Edgar’s hand still gripping it, to her chest “Go on” no sense of fear in the threateningly quiet manner with which she delivered her potentially fatal invitation

Edgar placed his empty glass on the bar’s surface, now as ever the only thing preventing their bodies meeting in a probably horrifically violent outcome, as in an act of escalation Edgar in intimidating fashion rose to his feet and snatched the bottle from her lightning quick and forcible enough to get an ‘oohhh’ from the crowd. “At least pull the knife bitch, make it a fair fight” swigging wildly from the bottle in outlandish style, gun not moving from her chest “or are you all innuendo and no action” that darkly playful tone further twisting into places the devil would stay away from.

The bar owner’s newly free hand slid her dress up seductively slowly; the crowds reactions varying from lustful stares to further faint complexions, a five inch blade of slim design drawn slowly from its thigh binding in a purposefully drawn out way, feeding freely the strangling tension of the room as the merest sound caused palatable paranoiac effect within the neck straining crowd. As the blade’s tip was turned so softly upon Edgar’s throat his breath remained calm, as ever to prevent additional intrusion into his flesh as to preserve the impossible levelled calm he still somehow exuded with illusively visible ease.

“Could have just hello you drama queen” the bar owner laughed

The looks on the gathering faces was so purely shock, such dangerously escalating heights of damningly tense levels descended in the merest of seconds “You ain’t a writer, my phone never breaches my hangover with that so dorsal voice of yours and…” Edgar holding with an edge of frustration as he faced the still lingering crowd “you can fuck off now” a significant instructing boom to the volume of his disinterested tone.

By the morning a knife sat next to Edgar’s gun on the floor of his office, next to the bar owners dress… without a body in it “Next Christmas Edgar, we do this in my office” she muttered half asleep, “Next year we just go on a fucking date, less hazardous you crazy bitch” scratching a red spot on his throat, she smiled.

 

          Hatred so pure as to dissolve with a single drip any semblance of positive will

        Friendships lost to rivers burning through the bridges once so strong

      Love a hollow pit from whence the demon was both born and died

    Life a lie into which the damned sacrifice themselves to stay numb

  For feeling is a nightmare raised in the depths of emotional graves

And never sits right for those whose hatred is strongest for themselves

A Joke; I can’t cry so all I have to show emotions is by taking a knife to my flesh