Things to say and not to say to a Manic Depressive

Just a random reblog, take it or leave it
Anyway, the frog in my head tells me I’m meant to be dancing a jig and eating fruit so I could just be going a tad crazy right now!

Ghost of a Shadow

For starters I am aware that in this modern age of fluffy names and cute medical words to soften the blow to fragile egos the condition is called Bi-Polar, back in the day when it had its rightful name they were at least blunt about it! And ask anyone who has been on the receiving end of Bi-Polar, first or third hand experience and see which name they think better fits the ‘condition’ as it’s called.

I like to think of it as a ‘Personality Glitch’ along with OCD, anxiety, paranoia, anti-social tendencies and my favourite of these glitches, plain old bat shit crazy. I can see it in your faces… that look… How can he belittle such heavy mental health issues? Did he just use the words Bat Shit Crazy? Why am I still reading this?!

To the first two questions my answer is simple; I live/have…

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A Bottle of Memories, a Glass of Pain

On the wine shelf of emotional inebriation depression is by far the finest vintage
Refined by the painful eternities that to others are but suffering seconds
Filtered through the hardened rock of the floor you find yourself hitting with every bitter blow
And in the right amounts an inspirational poison that screams to the heavens and makes demons purr
Depression my old friend, without you I am a sober fool

Lonliness, What they never teach you

Some people are the very perfect perception of happiness, as with joyful leaps and bounds they walk/skip hand in hand with their chosen partner, to the affect that all around them feel the happy hip hap happiness that radiates from these merry creatures. Alas there is a place in this world for such things to thrive in vividly notable fashion and for when one finds themselves in this state of happy unity that defies the most cruelly ingenious plots to sever two into a depressing number of one, this is something that from birth we are instilled with as the ultimate goal to which we must look to as a credible achievement in the grand scheme.

What we are not rightly educated for is the other potential, the less overwhelmingly musical outburst of positivity that is loneliness, the simple existence of one. As there are those destined for the elated union of marriage, relationships and at it’s most basic level the clinically termed ‘coupling’ of two like minded souls, there is equally a whole population of less blessed that are doomed to be single.

But I do much disservice to the singleton, lone wolf, existence of one, for like depression, anti-socialness and any other less positively valued personality trait or characteristic there is an advantage to be had, even if in the dim hours of the night when you feel the cold bite of loneliness threatening to take you to the cliff and stare down upon the jagged reek of your own demise, no kind voice of another beckon you back.

As to the advantage to be had, to each of the afflicted a different preference will be avidly applied to their chosen gift, the ‘nothing to lose and no one to leave behind’ mentality frees one of fear and restriction, single minded obsession for the project, job or purpose to which you are applied makes the singleton so much more valuable in certain work environments. There are more to list but the lateness of the hour betrays my ability to think with the clarity required.

Alas I must conclude my musings of madness on this issue, my mind betrayed by lateness and the chimes of employment that require early risings, but I will say another side to this state that afflicts so many before I depart for the night time activity of much rewarding sleep. Just because you are not gifted in the much heralded art of finding all consuming and everlasting love does not exclude you from the sacred emotion, merely that you’re going to find at times in life a kindred spirit with which to walk the path that in other times you will find yourself cruelly denied, just fated not to remain with anyone for any length of time.

I really hope to prove myself wrong one day, but for now… Depression my old friend

Rapid Fire Maddness!

“Each their own poison and the demons that drive them to drink”
Said he with a glass in the air and a poison into which he could sink

The art of chaos in the act of creativity is like air to breathing, living to life and depression to the damned
And should one be found in the realm of the damned, well that’s just a different type of chaos for the creative mind

A mind lost to madness
Is a thing to be had
For when life comes knocking
A dagger in hand
The mind of a madman
Is something for which the assassin can not plan

A Night of Never

Ace in the night

A Night of never bleeding

A Day of never regretting

A Fire never to stop burning

A Mind never to stop twisting

A Pain never to cease hurting

A Heart never to cease beating

< — >

No matter how hard we try

How much we wish to cry

Icy fingers and hollow cries

Of an ancient evil

A skull that will never stop staring down

From the burning sky

Lies

Lies, sweet little infectious lies

Each one persuades, corrupts and covers the way

Each one an acidic drop of deceit that eats away at life’s truth

The erosion of honesty between two that would otherwise be happy


Some lies are like open wounds

A place for the underlying infection that twisted original words

Disguised mistrust

Opened the doors to that lesser nature that we conceal inside


For some a refuge

Others a damning scythe

To cut once strong binds

And make love blind


The Cliff

The Cliff

The cliff scares me, terrifies me to the core of my fractured psychology and creates the crap storm that consumes all that I have
Fear magnified by every fury laced twist of the all consuming tornado that tears through my broken mind
Yet I stand statuesque upon the cliff
Resistant to take action in the face of the crap storm at hand
As the purity of my immunity to all emotions, an ally from previous times, internal wars I would so love to forget
Is now the chain that will drag me down
Until it sees fit to save me, become the hero I can never trade for the nightmarish darkness that aids me in hours late
The cliff…
Built tall on the humanity I have lost
The humanity that could save me if ever I was given the chance to locate it and taste the life I want

The Story I Wish to Tell…

“When asked how I do it, face the demons that most would run from and be but a mere snip of a challenge to, I answer ‘My greatest strength is I have no weakness, my greatest weakness is I feel no weakness’

But before you wish for the curse with which I was embedded from the first rays of tainted love that filtered into my cradle, that first warmth I felt on this skin, this flesh that with every master I have served became stronger, faster, tougher, know this

After three life times in the passing of my eighty year sentence called life, even time does not affect me, as others age I find the scars inside become more refined as on the outward appearance I age not, show no sign of the years I have lived, wars suffered and lives taken in the cause of protecting the human race for nothing more than an illusion I was helping the ones I loved

The ones I was robbed of when an assassin crept into my house and started me down the path I have always been doomed to tread, no sight of hope that it will end

People beg and clamber for the secret of eternity, immortality and immunity from even your own sense of self but they will never know what it truly means to pay the cost, a price that others would not be able to stomach, a torture as they lack even the ability to take their own life when faced with the afore mentioned cost of the crystal clear memory of all that has passed and all that they will have lost

For the sake of a simple death, a loving family, one love and all the blessings that mortality gives, I would trade everything and beyond, but life as ever needs men like me, the dead in all but physical death

Even calling the only link to my humanity ‘son’ would be to him a mortal threat, as all that hate me and covert my gifts would use him as a weapon with which to strike what’s left of the man I once was

And now you know the only weakness I have I will give you what I may never have, a quick death”

The mind-set of my greatest character, one day I’ll be able to do him some justice and give him the story he deserves

If I so care to!

I can flower a collection of literary confetti and a bountiful wealth of fantastical phraseology to add flavour to the most mundane assembly of letters

Or cut ruthless style to the core with a god darn and ain’t it, whilst friggin hell playing it thirties style gangster to put the boot into any fancy Dan outburst of words

But one thing for sure….

I’ll write verses of hellion fury and cursed blessings of the damned with a hell of a shot that ain’t half on the QT, and god darn if there no sunny sunshine in anything I flow from the treacherous depths of my obsidian clad mind

If I feel like it!

Cupid’s Scraps PT2

“The scraps should never be forgotten, for their jagged edge pain will cut without mercy any happy fool that to the suffering of the single turns a blind eye
As for some it is not another blessed that will complete them, but a fellow razor of resentment that will dull the anger and return to the discarded a happy hue”

Cupid’s Scraps PT1