Stepping up to the grandiose podium (a collection of cardboard boxes, blew the budget on the free bar)
Ladies, gentleman… Ninja penguins and Barry the Bear… Any barflies that were at the bar before they closed it for this event
We are gathered here to witness the union of…. wait, wrong speech
A hint of embarrassment, a slight blushing as the crowds look decidedly unimpressed
We mourn the loss of his sanity, may it rest in… Sorry folks, running a couple few shit load of late nights recently, brains drifting a bit
An air of heat around me as I feel a few burning eyes aimed in my direction
I would like to thank my parents, family, stylist, fashion advisor (the £90.00 potato sack I’m wearing is apparently very fetching and stylish) and above all, star of the show… my old friend depression. When I heard I had been nominated for this award I was reminded of the time I heroically climbed Everest, bravely wrestled a crocodile and single-handedly saved the world from aliens, all of which whilst running my empire of charities and volunteering at homeless shelters.
The smugness on my face almost too much for the crowd
Whilst I am of course a perfect specimen of humanity I would also…
A patron of the enchanted crowds forcefully offers a brown envelope into my hands
What do you mean you don’t believe me, what photos (opening brown envelope)
Sheepishness to put a flock to shame is but a hint of what my facial shock implies
Ok, that was Cupid’s idea about the stockings and Santa had already had a few, for the record it is the Easter Bunny holding the deer stalker hat and as the photos clearly shows I was only carrying two bags of kibble… the rest I honestly can’t remember but I’m sure I’m 100% innocent.
Then I see it… Barry using his big softy charm on a blonde, whilst simultaneously working on a sultry brunette
Wait folks, got to deal with something… BARRY NO, stop hitting on the waitresses
A few choice words thrown back at me that add shades of pink to the crowds cheeks
I don’t care if Paddington has a model for a girlfriend and is moving to Hollywood, and you’re only shacking up with a local vet, model girlfriends won’t drive bears to AA meetings and you’re already a hundred in the hole with a local loan shark, so you couldn’t even afford the up keep
Barry’s bearish looks turn a brighter shade of red, as he over eagerly reaches for a shot glass
How many vodka shots have you had? be honest… Two, really….. You expect me to believe that?
Sorry folks this is going to take a while, so look at my list of blogs worthy of nominating whilst I slap talk converse some sense into Barry, and just ignore the shouting by the way!
Disembarking from the podium with a decisive step and steely glare, Barry hastily retreating to the bar
https://americanainjustica.wordpress.com/ : A new find, still getting to grips but I like the angle from which she writes
https://seshatwuji.wordpress.com/ : As skilled as he is prolific with his writing and well worth a mention
https://madeleineswann.wordpress.com/ : (This post is a crazy little find that I would recommend scanning through)
http://bottledworder.com/ : As varied as interesting with her posts and one of my first follows
https://darknesswarmth.wordpress.com/ : This guys got a talent and is always a thrill to read, inspired a few bits to boot!
https://bizartpodcast.wordpress.com/ : Not strictly a writing post, but plain fun to listen to!!
https://novasaber.wordpress.com/ : Insightful, varied and a nice read, worth a glance for sure
http://phoebemd.com/ : When you see the post it explains itself, a good person on paper and no doubt in the flesh, respect
https://awordofmine.wordpress.com/ : Just good old fashioned, plain nice writing
https://vagabondcityjournal.wordpress.com/ : A newer find and one I’m enjoying
http://inoirvelvet.com/ : Not sure how to class this one but a friggin good stop for a read
And for anyone who feels left out, I’m following a whole bunch of folks I’m happy to spend time reading and very much enjoy it, so Thankyou and keep on writing and been generally great and talented people
Returning triumphant, Barry a little scruffier than he left and myself sporting a fresh shiner that a boxer would be proud of
Right, back to the speech
The ‘Premios Dardos’ award, for writers, or so the rumours say…
Then the emptiness of the room sinks in, a lone cough from the singular person left brakes the silence, having just woken no less
Oh fuck, everyone’s moved onto the free bar, oh well I’m a bit thirsty anyway
And I’m sure there’s a little known blog called https://insidethelifeofmoi.wordpress.com/about/ that I should be mentioning and thanking too!
PS: I would like to very much thank Amanda (https://insidethelifeofmoi.wordpress.com/about) for nominating me and everyone who follows me for putting up with my depressive posts, without killing themselves as a result! And here are the rules if you feel like making something of your nomination
1; Accept the award by posting it on your blog along with the name of the person that has granted the award and a link to his or her blog.
2; Include the image of the “Premios Dardos” in the post.
3; Pass the award to another 15 blogs that are worthy of this acknowledgement.