Relationships; The stuff they never teach you but should

I love you honey bear

I love you too baby

But I love you more my darling

….Bucket salesmen and cleaning companies get ready for a surge in business!

When the film ended, how many times do you think Cinderella said the words “You’ve walked horse crap into the carpet, take your bloody boots off” or “Staying in and watching the jousting, again” whilst Prince Charming mutters “You’re worse than my bloody mother” or “I’m going out to slay a fucking dragon, it’s easier to deal with than you when you’re like this”.

The tepid reality and unrealistic fantasy are two very different creatures when you’re working off the crap shot loaded fluffy versions of relationships, coupling and falling in love that we are fed in the influential prime of our youth. The truth as ever has no such smooth edges or pleasantly themed presentations to soften the blow of what a relationship is really like.

The way two individuals of sound (ish!) mind get along with each other is by accepting the others faults and helping to resolve them, whilst bringing out their strengths, almost as simple as the blindingly obvious fact that giving each other personal space allows a person to both miss their better half and indulge a few hobbies or habits their better half may dislike/banished to a cupboard, so no one sees the ‘upside down scrabble championship’ trophies when the in-laws are visiting.

There are also the four corner stones/elements of a relationship to consider, which are (in my opinion admittedly):


Can you live with your other half outside of a couple of overnights and deeply romantic holidays? and I don’t care how wonderfully powerful love is, distance, working hours, their mates and annoying personal habits are always an issue for consideration, ‘violent assault with a nail clipper because of stray nail clippings in the bed’ is not a good thing to have on your record.

Relationships Ev


If there’s no attraction, hand holding or snuggling on a cold night and wait for it… SEX (shock, horror, how can he say that…), and not the ‘guys only want one thing’ sexist assumption, without these you kind of lost the game before the first whistle, maybe not the most sensitively new age logic in the world but a stone cold truth.


Ok, I’m not the most emotional guy human person robot to exist in some state on this planet but I know that emotional connections are the key, if you don’t, dare I sat it ‘Love’ someone or have a mutual respect and sense of joyous jubilation in their presence then you’re screwed, and not in the sense as in point number 2!


Stress heads living together will result in blood, screaming and the charming overall effect of two super volcanoes erupting in tandem, two passive types will get jack shit to point of nothing done whilst asking ‘What do you think we should do?’ and two aggressive types will be butting horns as regularly as our stress heads end up at a minor injuries ward.

Relationships Vol

Now each couple has their own balance of these elements, relationship style, artist flare of co-habitation that shapes a lifetime of happiness but never, ever or even consider in the eternity of time that any relationship is perfect, because that’s the grade A bullshit that ends in metaphorical fiery explosions of hell and lawyers fees.

Also it has to be noted that no pairing is immune to the relentless march of time, nothing survives forever and every successful relationship will evolve to adapt in genius fashion and unique flare, and the aforementioned balance of elements will shift as according.

Relationships Ying Yangl

My parting words on this are: “A spark of love without the emotional kindling and fire wood of honest effort is just that, a mere flash of light in the bleak reality of survival”

Although it has to be admitted that dumb luck in meeting someone with whom you find that spark, that’s a bitch of a deal to find at the best of times and one hurdle I’d like to overcome, so I can take my own advise!


One thought on “Relationships; The stuff they never teach you but should

  1. Pingback: Mourning the loss of an Illusion | Ghost of a Shadow

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