Medical advice from a razor wielding noose maker!

Symptoms: Losing the desire to smash your head into every mirror, agreeing to things that go against any sense of sanity or self-preservation and no longer getting any sense of happiness from acts of rage and verbal barrages

Conclusion: You are losing the ability to self loath whilst simultaneously suffering a lack of will to wish self harm upon yourself, depressive levels no longer have a valued comparative event to reference and feed your suicidal thoughts

Treatment options:

1. Start, Sabotage and ruin a relationship until the memories are too painful, thus fueling your negative impulses

2. Lose a few old friendships and embrace a new loneliness of such painful depths you regain the will to kill yourself

3. Venture into positive society and revive the deep seated resentment for all those happier and more successful than you

4. Buy that razor blade you always threatened to use and keep it near by until the temptation becomes a depressive vacuum

5. Engage in an act of public humiliation until the shame drags you into a self destructive cycle of personal deconstruction

Thankyou for consulting your friendly manic depressive, please don’t call again as it would flag up as negative job performance if you have failed in the fatal act of self destruction

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