Borderlining with the best of my Crazy!

So it’s there, the three events to put an edge to knifes and then by comparison make them as blunt as a doctor with no skill at delivering bad news! 

Then there’s the other things, the crap storms so unholy the devil just ducked under shelter and called god for a lift! 

And I can’t say a single thing about them in professional, public, private or personal places, just a bunch more secrets to desecrate my sense of normalised values and degrade my trust in humanity to new lows. The fact that makes me laugh is a very bad sign I’m sure, but the heavily eroded sense of acceptable humour and what should make someone laugh just ain’t knowing.

I don’t envy people their pains, suffering or unhappiness, nor would I ever wish such things upon them because that would mean I’m truly beyond acceptable boundaries of humanity. But I do envy that they can cry, show pain in expressive displays to shame theatrical companies and then have a day off to process the aftermath.

Tears are a luxury I can not afford to let run amuck into the finely filtered emotional processing unit I call a CPU, time off and recovery an unacceptable loss of productivity when all around descend the crippling fall of human flaws. To think that I could be allowed to feel is an idea so alien to my sub logical culture of vault like repression, it’s a slap in the face to all I have built on a reputation of solidarity.

When does silence and inoffensive lies become an acceptable method of interacting with the world?

When does a repressed emotion become a dangerous relic of something once positively conceived?

When did I start to consider my personal demons to be untapped resources to aid my functionality?

When did the word ‘Functionality’ override ‘Living’?

 More disturbing:

When did anything I’ve written here become acceptable?

But as ever, the rock must maintain its form and the one to which others turn must never show it is in fact just as (if not more so) damaged as everyone else. I am the storm no one will ever see, until it’s too late…..

Make sure that on that day, you are nowhere near me and behind reinforced concrete!

 

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