The obligatory Birthday post, but early!

So, the sombre event draws to a cruelly close marking of something that has some very volatile emotional shitstorms attached to it, in more politely versed serenades of angelic choirs ‘Fuck… it’s my birthday again… next stop is fuckmas (the depressive’s version of Christmas), oh yay’

I will be visiting in jestful fashion the ceremonial sacrifice of my social ability, and please keep it down; I can hear the drawn out sighs in sensing the overdramatic tones of a pre-birthday depression from all the way over here!


A day off (I hope), an excuse to vegetate in a pool of my own juices, more empty calories, sugar and E-numbers than a chocolate factory

Best till last; PUB MEAL (riotous applause putting a rock concert to shame)


Endless placating and depressing ‘Happy Birthday’ greetings, having to duck the question of ‘How old are you?’ more times in 24hrs than throughout the year and for the final insult… Smiling whilst the act of public humiliation, in the form of a public damnation/announcement, makes you want to energetically project yourself out of the nearest window!


As I am of the cheery disposition I will grandly sing hymns of positive verse, whilst revelling in happy merriment about the joys of the day marking when I blessed this planet. I may even lament you with tales of the time I got married and so comically but embarrassingly nearly tripped over the threshold of my splendid (really a dump!) first home.

And look, two doves chirping in the tree I planted those many years ago….

PS: You’re not tripping on an illegally pleasant high or mixing you’re meds again, I’m just messing with that fractured thing you vaguely refer to as a sense of reality!

I am in fact looking fondly forward to the immortally uttered lines of my favourite noir characters, the piping hot and toasty fresh macaroni cheese going down my throat in a manner to redeem my mood. The ever incessant shadow of mobile communications ditch deep in ‘off’ mode as my phone(s) is switched off in joyous ritualistic flare to the words ‘FUCK YOU’ emblazoned in the very air of my cosy flat.

“If you’re stuck with a bad deal, make the most of it

And find a way to take advantage”

Which in line with that thinking I will in darkly inspired remembrance collate all the reasons I have made it through to another birthday, any possible reasons I actually wanted to survive till another birthday and with true depressive style toast my demon in the mirror in reflective silence.

Which by the somewhat eschewed standards I live by is really a very lovely way to celebrate my birthday!


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