A man stares as his keyboard mournfully, fresh marks on his arm, knife ready to be cleaned of human blood
First and last time he tries that one, and not because of the obviously hideous ramifications of such self destructive will against the poison flesh holding him to a thankless mortality, but the hideously obvious ramifications of having to pretend it was an accident!
“I scratched my arm on a fence” hoping they don’t notice the military uniformity of the cuts
“It was an accident in the kitchen” belying the idiot proof logicality that there are three ‘accidents’ in the same place
“I was rescuing animals for a local wildlife charity and one of the animals scratched me” what, you were saving a fucking timber wolf in the English countryside!!
“I cut myself to see if I could feel pain” with a few pinches of sarcastic whim and a few more for effect, truth where truth lies best to fool the world; in farce!!!
Water; looks like vodka, lets him play the optimist and blissfully drift afar into the somewhat hazy arena of alcoholism, he wishes
Clean Flat; nothing else to spend the lonely hours doing but clean, if you need a fancily worded explanation for that one I refer you to the children’s section of the library!
Life is too toxic, death is too final
How would sir like to feel fucked over today?
And for real hurting, may I recommend love!
Dead is not death for those twisted into self imposed graves of their own mentalities faulting debts
A mime is admired for skilled silence of an acting admission of imaginary jest
A clown a comical genius of all the style one would not imagine would irradiate from falling flat on their face
A tightrope walker deathly tempting on a line as suspended as the audiences breath as in daring rebellion he risks a death
I rage a temper in a fitful storm of furious words only muttered in civilised circles under whispered breath
For my skills reek of ill mood and drift into arms where comical and civil do die in flames of emblazoned anger and dryly dark jest
Such is me
Who better suits black and red
I have burned a notion of health to where ill health would fail to step beyond an ideal of pain
All for a gilded gift of a good cause for whence a world needs to be rescued in much demand
So to all the things I must in fevered and fatal feeling state endure I suffer for what honest toil I have achieved
So serene the calm waters project to eyes the subtle ripples of an underlying event, to eyes unaccustomed it would be innocently conceived such shallow ripples were of an occurrence so slight as a weak breath. But sight aligned with lesser things and darkly hazardously truths do see the motion as a thing to be beware, no joking tongue of what destructive forces lurk so deep as to reach that far and cause still the surface infraction of noted disruption.
I lay a thousand hidden thoughts of what nature a dark god would tremble at the idea of in a thousand graves beneath all the calming waters tranquil glow, each and every slimy tendril sliming its way over honest intent. To all above the surface graces politely drawn airs to wisp and whirl in pretty collated movement, the storms funding such iceberg tipped reactions when deeper emotions hath torn a world apart in cruelly laughing jest.
So see as much of a delicate flowers petals as one would readily wish to engage in merrily hued sight, be oblivious to the soul sucking tormenting processes that feed its colour of shiny black and poisonous shades of yellow. I will know of worlds fractured so delicately perfect in ever corrupted chasm running to whence the tearful screams of suffering do create choirs of angelic voices, a root to the thing that when seen in light does faintly resemble the pitched angelic tones of falsely echoed joyfulness.
Stability an illusion ever under cast behind the veil by inherit instability of what my darker nature feeds upon and flourishes freely into corners, so tortured the light feels more pain than my own lacking positivity. The gift it is to not feel, the curse it contains so cruelly mocking as to only feel anger but therein lies a crucial flaw within which another post I will explore.