So; the tick tock of the yearly clock descends upon that fated date
A whole cycle of events diving the depths of human misery, unhappiness and depressive glory to bring to the surface a gem of wholly purest weaponised depression…
A ‘birthday’ as common culture casually makes reference to the seemingly harmless occasion is upon me soon, that truthfully cruel blade severing more strands of positivity (if any remain!) at the stinging realisation that I have survived another twelve months, forty eight weeks etc etc.
There in the blinding display of starlit vistas that all would merrily throw in your face on hearing the news, mace spray seemingly a more merciful pain to endure, with a question underlying every misery soaked second you stare at the bleakly featured face in the mirror; why are you still alive?, more glaringly humorous in the grimmest of dark humour is the second question offered as a kindness only appreciated by the damned, broken and wishfully departed; how the fuck are you still alive?!
One morosely redeeming fact; you know you’re not in hell (yet) because you’d have to suffer more than one birthday a year!
But I digress in a funeral shaming fashion of grime nature…
I am one year further into this life and through the myriad of bad luck and failures, a suitable pleasant number of positive events and rousing circumstance to balance the scales, and though I may not have advanced enough into where I wish to be frolicking in fields of honey dew and fresh sunlight I have learned how better to survive.
This survival which though in the way I use that word implies a lesser wished continuation is a sign I am capable of enjoying life still …ish, even if the scales fall a long short way to tipping into where those sunlit honey dew fields exist, therefore I may yet have hope of events making it so I do not induce suicidal thoughts in anyone reading this blog in another year’s time!
But should anyone wish to cheer me up this time of year I have a simple birthday present list:
1. Ropeless bungie jumping lessons
2. A razor blade
3. Plastic sheeting
4. Cordless toaster and bath salts
5. Cliff side hotel
6. However much a ‘contract’ costs these days
On that flower sprouting positive note I bid a farewell, good day and hope to see you (unless I decide otherwise!) after august
Til the next?…