The Award….


There were rumours of awards going around and suspiciously my blog came up, an accident of typing you ask or maybe a quiet bribe of meat-based products could have taken place?
We shall not explore for reasons of not incurring the investigative powers, and the need for more bribes!

But alas there is the excessive paperwork to cover, the time consuming task of copying and pasting the address of the one whom promoted the idea, the government required proofing of the questions asked and the relating answers to said queries and the extendedly taken time of tracking down others who are worthy of the honour:

Who is the insane individual who raised dragged forcible pulled my name squirming from the dark corners of its shadowy existence you ask; that is; (any instance of health issues as related to reading this work to be blamed on her)

She is a self-confessed Bacon lover with an axe to grind against the curse of guilty feelings and their negative side-effects, and a blog to educate the unfairly feeling blame ridden on how to avoid such pitfalls.

Now the Questions:

1. Who is someone you really admire?
Anyone who endures more than five seconds of my presence when I try to be ‘social’ without resorting to a need for meds, experiencing suicidal thoughts or the feeling of needing to drink copious alcohol (most government bodies have classed me as a health hazard)
2. What do you like to do for fun?
Computer games, water-based activities, relaxing, creating things and WordPress
3. What colour are your eyes?
?? Never known, never cared and slightly colour blind anyway!
4. Do you like bacon?
Yes; but sadly I don’t cook it much, but on the odd occasion I get to I do so enjoy
5. Do you have a pet? If so, what’s his/her name?
I have a Cactus which is very loyal but extremely anti-social, it’s the only thing that survives my brand of loosely termed ‘caring approach’ which isn’t a good sign for my relationship prospects!
6. What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard recently?
With my loosely termed ‘sense of humour’ I fear most things that shouldn’t be amusing make me laugh but none harder than when someone said ‘there’s someone for everyone’ …this person does not know me
7. What’s your favourite TV show (or book, if you don’t watch)?
BoJack Horseman and Justified… if they can be beaten I doth my cap in respect, and though it isn’t a book I am partial to reading WordPress
8. Have you ever had to actually stop, drop, and roll in a fire?
Not to date but there are plenty of professional fires I’ve had to deal with and a few where I found myself holding the match, totally accidental of course!
9. What’s the first thing you see when you look to your left as you write this?
A mug of tea, I live on tea, tea is the god of all gods and all shall bow to it or be smite with a teabag from the teapot above
10. What’s the first thing you see when you look to your right?
‘The Penguin’ or to laymen’s perceptions my electronic tablet, with a penguin keyring on it for various reasons
11. Do you have a favourite song or artist? If so, what/who is it?
Anything that refences death, suicide or depression which I know will do more than just kill a party but also drive the participants out of ten story windows, but happy love songs make me fill buckets at pace so I’ll accept the price of my musical tastes!

And now the poor saps I am nominating for… (socially aware cognitive processes cutting in) And now for the elated souls I am nominating for this award:

Redacted for reasons of public mental health
Redacted for reasons of public mental health
Redacted for reasons of public mental health
Redacted for reasons of public mental health
Redacted for reasons of public mental health
Redacted for reasons of public mental health
Redacted for reasons of public mental health

Extracts from dark corners 3

“What bitterness a man can consume, before the soured flavour he will become

What hope required to fix the damage, when all is ash in the sight of a Jaded madman”


“I stand in a room full of crazies, flames licking at my feet

All the world to hate me and to the night I do flee”


“A razor blade to save me, my pain it will bleed

So sign me up for sanity, or throw me in the grave”

Words from the anti-social sub current Pt 1

I’m not anti-social, no matter how the offended may cry… As to whether it be in response to my balanced words or just to make hell for me to pay!

I’m just a tad allergic to 99% of the people I’ve met, and the socially bludgeoning horde…. That for the sake of survival I have to painfully endure

My First Award, possible my only but what the hell!!

award 3

Stepping up to the grandiose podium (a collection of cardboard boxes, blew the budget on the free bar)

Ladies, gentleman… Ninja penguins and Barry the Bear… Any barflies that were at the bar before they closed it for this event

We are gathered here to witness the union of…. wait, wrong speech

A hint of embarrassment, a slight blushing as the crowds look decidedly unimpressed

We mourn the loss of his sanity, may it rest in… Sorry folks, running a couple few shit load of late nights recently, brains drifting a bit

An air of heat around me as I feel a few burning eyes aimed in my direction

I would like to thank my parents, family, stylist, fashion advisor (the £90.00 potato sack I’m wearing is apparently very fetching and stylish) and above all, star of the show… my old friend depression. When I heard I had been nominated for this award I was reminded of the time I heroically climbed Everest, bravely wrestled a crocodile and single-handedly saved the world from aliens, all of which whilst running my empire of charities and volunteering at homeless shelters.

The smugness on my face almost too much for the crowd

Whilst I am of course a perfect specimen of humanity I would also…

A patron of the enchanted crowds forcefully offers a brown envelope into my hands

What do you mean you don’t believe me, what photos (opening brown envelope)

Sheepishness to put a flock to shame is but a hint of what my facial shock implies

Ok, that was Cupid’s idea about the stockings and Santa had already had a few, for the record it is the Easter Bunny holding the deer stalker hat and as the photos clearly shows I was only carrying two bags of kibble… the rest I honestly can’t remember but I’m sure I’m 100% innocent.

Then I see it… Barry using his big softy charm on a blonde, whilst simultaneously working on a sultry brunette

Wait folks, got to deal with something… BARRY NO, stop hitting on the waitresses

A few choice words thrown back at me that add shades of pink to the crowds cheeks

I don’t care if Paddington has a model for a girlfriend and is moving to Hollywood, and you’re only shacking up with a local vet, model girlfriends won’t drive bears to AA meetings and you’re already a hundred in the hole with a local loan shark, so you couldn’t even afford the up keep

Barry’s bearish looks turn a brighter shade of red, as he over eagerly reaches for a shot glass

How many vodka shots have you had? be honest… Two, really….. You expect me to believe that?

Sorry folks this is going to take a while, so look at my list of blogs worthy of nominating whilst I slap talk converse some sense into Barry, and just ignore the shouting by the way!

Disembarking from the podium with a decisive step and steely glare, Barry hastily retreating to the bar : A new find, still getting to grips but I like the angle from which she writes : As skilled as he is prolific with his writing and well worth a mention : (This post is a crazy little find that I would recommend scanning through) : As varied as interesting with her posts and one of my first follows : This guys got a talent and is always a thrill to read, inspired a few bits to boot! : Not strictly a writing post, but plain fun to listen to!! : Insightful, varied and a nice read, worth a glance for sure : When you see the post it explains itself, a good person on paper and no doubt in the flesh, respect : Just good old fashioned, plain nice writing : A newer find and one I’m enjoying : Not sure how to class this one but a friggin good stop for a read

And for anyone who feels left out, I’m following a whole bunch of folks I’m happy to spend time reading and very much enjoy it, so Thankyou and keep on writing and been generally great and talented people

Returning triumphant, Barry a little scruffier than he left and myself sporting a fresh shiner that a boxer would be proud of

Right, back to the speech

The ‘Premios Dardos’ award, for writers, or so the rumours say…

Then the emptiness of the room sinks in, a lone cough from the singular person left brakes the silence, having just woken no less

Oh fuck, everyone’s moved onto the free bar, oh well I’m a bit thirsty anyway

And I’m sure there’s a little known blog called that I should be mentioning and thanking too!

PS: I would like to very much thank Amanda ( for nominating me and everyone who follows me for putting up with my depressive posts, without killing themselves as a result! And here are the rules if you feel like making something of your nomination

1; Accept the award by posting it on your blog along with the name of the person that has granted the award and a link to his or her blog.

2; Include the image of the “Premios Dardos” in the post.

3; Pass the award to another 15 blogs that are worthy of this acknowledgement.