So shuddering cold and with the stinging self resentment strangling any ability to even vaguely consider the purpose of living I lie foetal style on a freezing floor
Fresh marks on my arm and the consideration that if my skin wasn’t as tough as it was I would have the ability to leave more bloodied marks on my arm!
Guilt rampantly slaughtering my very soul for the fact that trigger I never wanted in my hand was pulled again, the old rage burning hot in the chamber until I found myself verbally terrifying a room full of people (oddly fun in terms of feelings of having power over others)
The fact that I feel quite good after letting loose… worrying to say the least!
And the term ‘wraith of god’ I have replaced with ‘Unholy Wraith’, in case the big guy gets offended! (referring to myself with ‘I am a merciful god’ still sneaks in on occasion but I’m working on that)
After I’ve made myself suffer for my sins it dawns on me, a crushing realisation that I’ve known for years (yes I said years!), I’m not guilty by means of life been an arsehole
Yes your honour I will make my plea; Not Guilty
It was life your honour, giving me nothing but dark corners and demons to turn to and no faint trace even of a glimmer of anything on the positive side of the deal
Yes; I know we should all be positive and shit about the warm fuzzy side of live, love and happiness but…
Happiness gutter punches you, love holds a dagger behind its back and the warm fuzzy stuff turns into a hell hound and mauls you without warning
Depression tells you straight it wants to kill you, rage is no mystery with its intentions and hatred plain old just hates stuff… no mystery, lies or deception
So yes I want love, happiness and all that positive bullshit in my life but I’ll never fully trust it (don’t know what trust is nowadays anyway!), so I’m condemned to live with demons and dark corners whatever I do!!
Fuck you life, with bells on it to boot!!!