My Friend!

    “Keep your secrets to yourself my friend; I have a vault or two already to hold to hell”

“But then to whom do I confess my demons? When I am a repository for other people’s ills”

(Sly laugh) “When you work out such a timeless puzzle, onto the next guy asking you can impart such a blessing to relieve this curse… my friend”

“And why when you condemn me so, does that friendship of unwanted offer feel as hollow as the hope you do fatally inspire, I ask”

(Knowing grin) And so no more lessons do I have to teach you, as such a fate I deliver onto a wiser soul… my friend!

 

Between the O and the K!

“I’m ok” Exclaims a volatile tone

“Are you sure?” Asks a pathetically sympathetic taunt

“Really” bluntly slammed with a thousand tons of repression, beneath the thinnest veil of politeness

“You don’t sound ok” projects a mockingly failed attempt to grasp the meaning of ‘Ok’

“Really” carrying an awkwardly prolonged pause “I’m…. OK”

“Do you want to talk about anything?” continues the draggingly torturous vocal exchange

“Hath not you heard my TONE” An elevation of angst to weight the words with fury

“I have, and I think you need to talk to someone about your anger” offering gently a hand of peace

“You REALLY want to know what’s wrong” rageful voice subdued to subtle menace

“Yes, let me know” sitting so slow as if in fear of a reaction to sudden movement

“Ok, where to begin”…..

(Ten minutes later)

“ARHHHHGGGGHHHHHHHH” and breathe “ARRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” gently rocking to and fro

“As I said, I’m ok”

 

Between the O and K of that weighty word lies a lot

Make sure you’re ready to take it on before pushing!

 

WARNING: This is an emotional Purge, Pure, at Unholy levels

Positive Emotions Ask them what will happen and you get:

Happiness; Smile, it’s all good

Positivity; It’ll be ok

Love; Look into that loved ones eyes and feel it all drift away

I’m half way through the bottle in a dive bar from hell and life just created a new bottom to fall out on me, DON’T FUCKING LIE TO ME ABOUT THE DAGGERS IN MY BACK.

 

Negative Emotions Ask them what will happen and you get:

Pain; I will drag you to a place of such horrid feelings that death can’t even save you from feeling this level of wretched misery

Depression; I will lead to your death, don’t care how but that’s all I want

Loneliness; You are on your own and will never have companionship of any kind, get use to it

I should be pissed off but….. NO FUCKING LIES!!!!!

No deception, no tricks or delusion

 

Explore the positive all you want and then only get lies, deceit and failure and guess what; the next time you see that sign for happiness, not so appealing. You turn to the negative spectrum in expectation of all the lies, deceit and failure that the smug smiling bar steward positivity was selling you and guess what; pain delivers, depression hands you a gun and a bottle whilst loneliness stares back from the mirror and says; “Hi, and yes, still just you here at this end of the bar”.

Tell me how I’m meant to ever escape the ruthless truth of these seemingly damning emotional states when I can’t fault them for reliability, they actually do what they promise and unlike everything else don’t fail me. I can guarantee that I will feel this shitty in the future, all the trimmings and twice on Sunday but any gamble into happiness is completely random as to the odds of getting a good deal.

 

I am a borderline manic depressive

I am borderline suicidal sometimes

I am anti-social

And on these counts I will not let you down!

And as much as I want to complain about it, secretly I’m happy that I’ve found something in my life that IS trying to kill me but ISN’T bullshitting me about it!!

 

I am Broken, and Proud of it

Outside judgements (Inside realities)

I hate the world

But I like places

 

Humanity exasperates me

But people bring me joy

 

Surviving tires me

Living revives me

 

Expectations oppress crushingly

Free minds create happy memories

 

Ignorant minds condemn

Open minds embrace

 

I appear as a negative

But inside I possess positivity

 

Where once without you I was merely drift word

With you we sail perfect oceans in harmony

 

The Rock

Each piece a torrent and each torrent a storm

The thing once everyone’s solid companion

Is all a sunder upon the very will of sanity and calm

A term of tempers lost to ages and burning as an angry sun

No escape when it happens and no hope to run

When the rock loses cohesion

The anchor of solidarity becomes what all have poured upon it

And without pity that hoard will now pour its scorn

 

Forgiveness is an ugly creature

When he who holds another’s sins becomes undone

And must look for a kind soul to act as a rock of his own

 

Or will the pieces fall to nothing

A figure tall to nothing that has form

Embedding shards of raw anger in countless victims

Sowing the seeds of someone else’s storm

“Even statues cry pearls”